these men are HOT when they're acting like...

1. they are seem like uncare about you but actually they're knowing all the things about you more than you know.

2. they never say "i love you". they usually prove it with action.

3. when they pick you up, they just say "you ready?" whereas their heart beats fast & just say to themselves "Lord her beautifulness is taking my breath away!"

4. they are always get mad at you. but when you're crying for their attitude, they will soon hug you tight and say deeply "i'm sorry..."

5. they just say "i'm not jealous" when you out with other guy, but actually they say "how dare those guy!"

6. they know you completely, even when you smile and say "i'm fine", they know that there are tears inside of it.

7. they always say "why are you always bothering me?" when you ask for help. but when you are in trouble, they will say "why didn't you tell me?"

8. usually they're so few in the world.

tto much hoping isn't good for my health

May, 23th 2012

well, i came from Ca Lina's house just now. she asked me for keeping Nayla while she was taking Belly Dance class. it doesn't even matter for me. Nayla was so calm and she spent her time to watch Harry Potter movie while i was checking my facebook timeline.

when she finished her movie, she showed me her mother's old album photograph. i was so surprised when i found my picture with Nada and Lusi. i didn't even remember when those picture being taken. i re-took those photo then uploaded it to twitter and of course mention to Nada and Lusi, wishing they're would be surprised too as i was.

but what i've got? i know Lusi never log into her twitter account so she must not say anything. i just wish Nada would be like "OMG i don't even remember when that picture being taken" or " wow we look so young." in fact i should bury my thought so deep because she just say, " OMG delete those picture for me please. i didn't even wear hijab on those pict" without saying at least "where did you find that?" what the heck! she even made her photo with his boyfriend and of course wearing hijab as her twitter profil picture!

what about my feelings? so broken! you know i do miss them badly, mainly her. i just hope she would be reminded how close we used to be. but right now, i think it's just me who losing her, not her.

well, i'm so dissapointed. i know i don't wanna be a egoist person toward her. but i should have known that signs.. when we met a month ago, just me who look excited. even i don't want to let her go back to her house because i was so missing her. but right now i think we were different enough to stay close. i mean she was on Bandung now, colleger, having alot of new friends, especially having boyfriend., she has alot of topics to talk about with everyone but me. and me? what about me? i'm just freshman, just having old friends, loving and still hoping my first love, there's no special about me to talk to her.

well... i remember how close we were. me, Nada, and Ika. she said that Ika has found her own way and she wasn't same anymore like we used to be. and then Nada herself. my childhood friends were gone. no more Three Charles Angels, a stupid name of our gank. i should have known that we're different, we have found our own way.

by the way i'll upload our picture later. i've delete it already.

what do i want actually?

what do i want? by the way long time ago when i was... just call it 'immature', i really want a charming boyfriend haha :D. you can call me 'labil' or what, but it's long time ago. but now i'm not pretty sure i want it anymore.

ah, ya! i'm forget to tell you about something. it was happened about a week ago. there's a guy came over me, named Lidra. i don't really know him actually. the things i know about him are just he's my junior and he used to fall for Lusi, my best friend.

how it begun? well.. he just said hello on facebook chat. i replied Hi because i know who he is. he asked me to follow his account twitter back, then just blah blah a little chitchat. and suddenly he asked me for my number. i gave it because i know him. and then he started to text me daily, almost everytime. i guess he's been falling for me, because he's so kind, he's care about me. he called me like 'princess' and else. yeah, i'm sure you all know the sign of boys when they're falling in love, right? he gave me that sign.

i felt a little bit confused for a moment. i think i'm also falling for him. he's kind, he's care, and the important thing is he seems like fall for me too. but suddently i remember of Asep, -you know a guy who gave me a red rose at STAN?- kucing, pacau, anas, Leondrae, Samphad, and another guy who gave me a hope, raise me so high then leave me hanging and i should act like i don't care at all and pretend it was never happened.

so i told Lidra, i asked him what he want from me. why he was so kind and care about me. if he hasn't any reason, just leave. and he said that he's so sorry. he's just looking for an attractive people to talk to. and he choose me. and he made me sure that he wouldn't falling for me.

well, and now i just want him to be my friend, my junior, not more than that. and right now i think i don't really want to have any boyfriend. and what do i want now actually? i really want to focus at my first goal. i give my body and soul for these. what is these actually? scholarship. yeah, a scholarship. i really want to get a scholarship. i must study harder, get cumloud score, enrich my knowledge and english conversation skill, take the student exchange, and finally flight to Malaysia or Philipiness. i have to stay focus, and i'm pretty sure if i have -just call it a boyfriend-, i shouldn't have time to study. he must asks for my attention, or he'll get mad at me all the time.

and right now, i know what i want. that's for my brighter future :)

am i unyu? or pretty? or beautiful? by the way thanks for the compliment :)

remember that i promise to start wearing hijab and capture when it was on my head? finally i've done! check these new me out xD

am i unyu? or like a dumbass? lol

back from my busy life

ahoy everybody! how's life? after long long time finally i go back to this blog and start to write my silly things hehehe x) actually my life isn't busy anymore. my sister has found a new baby sitter so i dont need to keep her children anymore. the thing i have to focus is just can riding a motorcycle before May 21! you know my dad forced me to ride a motorcycle when i go to college. and i start to take my fresh year on May 21.

ah yah! not writing on this blog doesn't mean i didn't write at all. i wrote some stupid mind in my note book and right now i have the time to publish it. you can read them below. check these out and enjoy! :)

the unplaned plan is usually happen

thursday, April 5th 2012

the unplaned plan is usually happen. yeah, i mean i never thought that i will buy Blackberry. well, you know my money isn't enough to buy one. so i think i'll get one if i were a worker. but now i ain't a worker but i have Blackberry yay! xD

unbelievable and so exciting! that day my big sister told me that her friend was selling off Blackberry for IDR 750.000. i'm so excited and i decided to sold my old phone and get my precious bb :). my parent obviously didn't agree, especially dad. he said there's more important thing to spent my money than just buy a bb. he made me sure i'll get one someday if i've be a worker. but daaad... that's too long :'( i want it now! and without a permittion of my dad, my big sister and i went to get that haha :D dad should be won't talk to me anymore. so sorry dad... i really really want it bad :')

and the result is... i don't have any money now untill the end of this month. my big sister suggested me i should give my parent "a little lie". she's making sure my dad that i just add IDR 100.000 and never be more. but actually i should add IDR 220.000 from my bank-note. gosh! so he said to me, "you should tell them -if they're asking you- that you just add IDR 100.000 or you must be die in dad's hand." ah yeah.. i really understand. so sorry, dad...

i remember i've watched Wisata Hati by KH. Yusuf Mansur on episode "with giving, you'll get 10 times extra". he said that if you gave your money then you pray to Allah and tell Him what you want, He will give it to you. between believe or not, about two or three months ago i gave my IDR 100.000. actually i saved that money for buy an Android. but that's too long so i gave thet money and said to God, "ya Allah, i wish i will get Android as my birthday gift. i trust in you.." i thought i'll get IDR 1.000.000 and buy android for my birthday. but Allah always have another plan. here i am, with my new blackberry in my hand hehehe :)

but i feel a bit guilty, especially to my dad. he's so hopefully get more money to pay my college. so does my mother. but me? i have a bit of money and now i buy bb? what kind of human i am!

so sorry mom, dad... i promise i'll get cumloud score in my first semester so i'll get a discount to pay my college. ya Allah... please fulfill my promise. just it i can do. i'm nothing without you... my plans are nothing without your help... :'(

my 19th birthday

Monday, April 2nd 2012

today was my 19th birthday. as my another birthdays in the last year, it's not totally special. you know, everybody who knows or unknows me, my parents, sisters, friends, they were greeting to me a happy birthday and wishing me all the best! it sounds pretty weird for me, however. i mean how could people who usually uncare about me, leave me alone on the loneliness, suddenly come and greet to me a happy birthday, then they're about to go away.

okay, just forget about that. however i feel so thankful to Allah SWT who give me my 19. i remember when i was 18, He gave me much of precious lessons. He taught me how to be a whole-kindheartedness person, how to be always think possitive, think mature, and always feel thankful. you know it never crossed on my mind that i start to pray 5 times a day, wearing hijab, and do all the sunnah. and the thing i am worried about is just how it would be if someday i die and then God dumped me to the hell?! naudzubillah min dzalik!

i don't care how unspecial my birthday was. i don't really care if people ignored me or else. just the one important thing i should have in my life: GOD. and walking only on His way.

ah by the way i can't live through without any plans hehe :) i mean i've already make some plans for my future life. although these just for short-period of time, hopefully it'll works and make my day brighter than before hehe :D

one of my plans is get cumloud IPK on my first semester in college. i don't know why did people looks like underestimate me when i told them about this. are they unsure about my ability? are they unsure about my big dream? whatever! i just need time to work and then show them what i've got because of my hard-work.

well, the last plan i've created is... i'm going to forget all about Farizi. seriously! you can call me a big mouth or whatever because it's not for the first time i planed about that. but i'm mature now. 19 is not young enough to keep my first love still alive in my heart. moreover he doesn't even like me. so i'm going to find out someone new, make at least a guy crazy for me haha :D and he'll realize i'm moving on.

by the way ask me if i'm going to send my wedding invitation card to Farizi? umh.. i think no. my wedding is my future., and i won't let my past comes and break everything i've planed :)


"...always love someone who always be thankful when they have you, not someone who finally realize how precious you are when you've gone... :)"